Bittersweet Fall

It is fall and here in Maryland, the days are getting shorter and the leaves are turning crimson and gold. There is a chill in the air, telling us the winter and holiday season are approaching.

The stores already have their Christmas merchandise on display. They put it out earlier and earlier every year. I dislike this practice and wish we could enjoy one holiday at a time, but that is a discussion for another day.

In many ways I find the fall represents loss – the trees lose their leaves, the days lose their light, the flowers wither and die, and we lose the birds to the warmth of the South. It is a time that I start to feel a little melancholy. I feel sad for those I hold dear who have experienced loss. For many, the joyfulness of the holidays to come is tempered with a spoonful of sorrow.

I think of loss in my own life and the ‘what ifs’ and ‘could have beens.’ I think it is hard to have your best years behind you. I miss the people who are gone from my life, but carry their memory in my heart and, at times, through food and traditions.

In the warmth of the kitchen when it is cold outside, especially during the holidays, I find myself cooking up a few special recipes. These recipes have been passed down through generations – and are loved by everyone in the family. There is a marvelous date-filled oatmeal cookie, labor intensive, but oh so worth it. Sandwiched between two soft, thin oatmeal rounds lies a plump, moist date filling. One bite of the earthiness of the oatmeal and sweetness of the dates says “‘welcome home, come sit by the fire.”

No one wants to referee when my uncle and cousin are tasked with dividing a batch of these cookies, for it can get very ugly. I always send tins of these date cookies for birthdays and at Christmas. One might think that a tin of cookies is not a very special present – but these are no ordinary cookies. Inside that tin are memories and family.

There is also a special ‘family’ meatloaf recipe, unlike any other. There is no ground beef and no filler in this recipe, just an abundance of flavor. There are many other cool-weather recipes that my mother used to prepare. Her beef stew, stroganoff and what she called barbecue were main stays growing up, and her apple pie was unparalleled.

I know that I am now the keeper of these recipes, some hastily written down – now worn and faded; and some sketched in my head forever. There is no one else that makes the date cookies now ... thus, when they are given as a present, they are indeed special … for they can only come from me …carefully prepared, wrapped and mailed with love.